I'm so lame, dude

Wow. I don't know where to start.  I got a lot to get off my chest so maybe you'd want to skip to the end to see my point.

First off thank you to everybody for your comments and kind words of encouragement. I may not be very popular (yet) but the support has kept me from fading away.

I'm not gonna lie and say life has been hard but it has not been very easy. Juggling life, gaming, the show and a podcast is overwhelming especially because a lot of the responsibility for putting the content out is mine. So if I forget or don't have the time then everything falls apart.

The worst part about this process is that I'm supposed to have a staff of people behind me and I don't. I took on all this responsibility because I did have a team behind me. You may have seen me reference them. We're called FN2K. There are two divisions of it. The one I run sucks. They don't have the ambition, heart, drive or stamina I do to triumph. All but one have copped out, betrayed my trust or made an endless amount of excuses of which I no longer have time for.  This is not a jab at any of them. It's just the fact of life. My crew routinely lets me down or doesn't listen. Anything coming out of FN2K now more than ever is all if not mostly my doing.

The Jaded Gamer's show WAS NOT supposed to be just my floating head babbling. It was supposed to be me and FN2K causing a ruckus in gaming. Silly me thought that after my first two episodes were received with appreciation from the gaming community that these other members would love to be a part of it. Nope. We don't even play games together and that is what FN2K is supposed to be about.

So . . Here I am repping a crew of gamers WHO DON'T PLAY GAMES. I'm so lame dude. Ever since episode 2 I've been scraping the bottom of the barrel for ideas purely to keep my crew on the map. And for what? They don't watch my show, hear my podcast. In fact the people who promote my show (shout out to Rondell Exclusive) regularly, don't have a stake in FN2K.

Anyways, I digress. I'm just mad.  Mad because my passion takes time. Time I can't have to myself. I clear days off my schedule to get things done but every single fucking time I do, my girlfriend hijacks a huge chunk of it.  I booked a week off in the summer purely to work on projects and every day I was interrupted. I'm not picking on her just illustrating how difficult it's been to do anything recently. All the while I put everything else first which I admit I shouldn't have done.  So when I'm not dealing with slackers or complaints or people who constantly want attention and gold stars for doing their job, all I've been doing is turning off the world and playing video games.

Normally it is not an escape for me. But vegging out in the living room playing Dead Island or isolating myself in the back playing Minecraft is me taking time away from everything that has been getting under my skin. In a sense I'm taking back time that has been taken from me.

But my work and life has been suffering because I've been feeling sorry for myself recently. It took me far too long to get out of this funk but seeing as nobody wants to help me up, it's up to me yet again to pull myself to my feet. Now it's different. In the coming days I'm going to attempt to hitch my wagon to a locomotive that is gaining stream instead of losing it.  I don't want to jynx it or leak details yet but this power move might be the smartest decision I made recently. So wish me luck.

Street Prophet aka The Jaded Gamer

Follow me on twitter @IamFN2K

Gamers and relationships

If there is something I know well it's being in a relationship with non-gamer girls. 

In an upcoming episode of The Jaded Gamer's show I talk about co-existing in a functional relationship and keeping the woman in your life off your back. I recommend any gamer in a relationship check it out.

Make no mistake though. I deliberately undersold the amount of work and effort needed to make it work. I have to because if gamers knew the truth they might pass up the right person when they come along.

Let me put it like this. I own almost 200 current gen games between Ps3, 360 and PsP. I invest between 20 and 40 hours a week on games. I only sleep between 3 to 5 hours a night which inevitably leads to exhaustion. The last fit of exhaustion damn near crippled me. My legs would go numb at random. I couldn't think, didn't eat and didn't care about anything or anyone not even myself except for my next gaming session.

I don't have to live this way, I choose to. It keeps me happy and my girlfriend too so I'm happy to do it. But it is not easy. It's more give than take and I need other gamers in relationships to back me up. Nobody other than gamers take games seriously. If a stock broker tells you they are busy, you let them work. But when a gamer tells their partner the same they just don't listen. I'm interrupted all the time.

Let me explain without malice what I endure.

I've politely requested that my field of vision NOT be obscured when I'm playing a game. This is a small rule but is always broken. No matter the reason, if she wants to invade my personal space nothing stops her in spite of the worst time to do it is when the twin sticks are in my hand.  I have explained how much I hate it and now I put on a screwface and lean away annoyed but she still does it.

I used to play games with headphones on which I explained was a huge signal to leave me alone. I don't do that anymore. Here's why. She just walks up and starts talking to me oblivious to the fact I can't even hear her. And then I started hearing "I already told you blah blah blah..." It took me a minute to figure out she would tell me this stuff while my headphones were on. So now I play games without them for her... Problem solved.

Or is it? Just the other week my girlfriend who is an actual real actor in the biz, was running lines next to me. By running lines I mean reading them obnoxiously too loud thinking she's cute when all she is accomplishing is pissing me off. So I try to politely interject to tell her to tone it down I can't concentrate or hear what's going on. She doesn't even listen. She does what she always does and.tunes me right out and starts talking LOUDER! So now she can't even hear how aggravated she is making me because she WON'T SHUT UP long enough to hear what I'm saying. She was keen to not only ignore but talk over somebody communicating distress.

And this is minor petty stuff because I don't want to get too deep into it.  I have rational ethical issues with some of the choices she makes but I shut up and let her do her thing because well . . Do unto others.

After hearing similar (and worse) stories I decided I had to say to my gaming friends and fans who are in relationships; You are not alone!

I don't know how my relationship works. I don't know how her and I exist when she drives me nuts sometimes. The bastion of hope I cling to is simply she does not understand the conviction and dedication I have towards not just gaming but to the community too.  There is nothing I would rather do than entertain/enlighten you readers and viewers. I don't care who's birthday I have to miss to reach a deadline. I don't care how much time I have to put into editing or filming because I live to entertain. This is my passion in life and I'm lucky enough to be able to fuse entertaining and video games.

But let me flip it because here is my point. Chances are you are not like me. You don't game as often or even have the time to. You aren't trying to entertain anybody through games. At worst your partner interferes with a gaming session which let's be honest is remedied by a pause button. Imagine if it was your passion or career. Imagine how irate you would be. My point; if I can make this headache work and be happy at the same time then you as a simple gamer just aren't working hard enough. So shut this webpage and tell your partner you love them and spend time with him/her. 

Street Prophet aka The Jaded Gamer

@IamFN2K on Twitter