Gamer vs. Game player Part 1: The swagger

I'm drawing the line in the sand for all us actual real gamers.  I feel like now is the time because gaming is really popular at the moment and there are a lot of people out there who may not realize they sound silly or are annoying gamers by trying to be one of them.  Over the last year or so I've met too many "gamers" who's claim to game is stuff like Wii sports, Angry Birds and Just Dance.

Thanks to the Wii, IPhone, Ipad and facebook many people are under the impression that you are gamers.  Be real.  Being a "Gamer" is a badge of honor and courage that you earn through years of honing your skills and being informed about games themselves.

I give PC gamers a lot of trolling because its really like watching the hot girl from high school turn into a troll as she ages. But she doesn't own a mirror or been outside.  PC gamers are cute to me. They brag about how pretty their games are or how consoles wont get to enjoy games like Minecraft. *cough*  But as silly as I *think* PC is as a platform, their claim to game is legit.  A lot of the games I play either are multi platform with pc or even ported to/from it.  Even though I probably play a wider variety of games than a PC gamer Steam is changing that rapidly and bringing pc gaming back. Kudos.

But just cuz you lost your life playing WoW or Facebook Bejeweled you dont get to call yourself a gamer cuz its the fad right now.  You are a game player. Its the difference between being a soccer player and knowing how to play soccer.  In the gaming community the formal title is "Casual" gamer. Informally the ones marked as posers are referred to as lamers, llamas and noobs.

Gamers communicate through a lot of lingo a lot of game players just dont know. And you will not learn the lingo unless you become a gamer. Its like a rite of passage.  Its been a long time since I spent time in an MMORPG but can still tell you what buffed, nerfed, AoE, HP, MP, XP, EXP, DPS, DoT, hammering, toon, mule and other lingo means. I can probably tell you about most genres and explain in vivid detail the difference between a horror game and survival horror game.  Whats the difference between Western and JRPGs? If you can't even attempt to explain the difference you are probably not a gamer.

Gamers talk about games...not "a" game... Games. So if you can tell me everything about one game... Thats cool but if thats where your knowledge stops then you are still a softcore gamer.  Nothin wrong with that but dont think you can hang with gamers at a LAN if they arent playin your game of choice.

How would you feel if you spent literally most of your life being teased for being a nerd only to have some noob pick up the sticks (or mouse and keys for my pc gaming buds) play Bejeweled or some other gaming fad like kinect or wii and all of a sudden claim to be a gamer? It would get on your nerves too.  Thats the reality a lot of gamers are facing today.

To be continued...

Blizzard makes me shudder

I used to love Blizzard games and products… But with Diablo 2 and WarCraft 3 I felt like they shipped me the same game I played last time around with better window dressing. 

I don’t mean I felt ripped off with Diablo 2 or Warcraft 3.  I mean I feel like all they did with both those games was add a little here/there and put a new Roman numeral at the end.  Then at World of Warcaft I couldn’t stomach another MMO that had Everquest’s DNA.

And then that was it for me.  Somewhere around 2003 I cashed in my PC gamer card for good and traded Counter-Strike, Blizzard, Epic and Valve games in for the likes of Square-Enix, Bioware and Konami.  Why?  Final Fantasy, Knights of the Old Republic & Metal Gear Solid were all on the Playstation 2.  Then I realized more genres of games exist.  Not everything is a shitty FPS, a button mashing RPG or the same fucking RTS you just played last year but with TWO NEW UNITS! ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH MY GAWD! Two new units?!? Wrap a game around them call it Whatever/Whatever 2: Shitty Subtitle (Now a days those 2 new units are 5.99 DLC apiece)

I’m just tired of Blizzard using it’s money to … what DO they do with their money? They have an amazing R&D department and have possibly hired a PS3 designer for (???).  Nobody knows why?  Blizzard isn’t talking.  Which is lame.  They can dangle the carrot for somebody else because I don’t care anymore. 

I can’t even say Blizzard is doing anything wrong from a developer standpoint… but I don’t feel appreciated as a gamer by them.  As days go by every sort of Blizzard related news story usually has something to do with removing a function I like from a game or them “innovating” on new ways to take my flippen cash. . . Like cross-server pay (I omitted an “'l” in “pay” on purpose).  .

Actually I don’t care… I just realized it doesn’t make a difference because no matter what they do I’m just gonna throw a hissy fit and blog about it.

Cheers.

Brink got better

As you'll see from my review of Brink in the upcoming episode of The Jaded Gamer's show it is a great idea on top of a flawed execution.  It is a bit of a mash-up between Mirrors edge and Team Fortress 2.   Well.. it is closer to Mirrors edge with gunplay and multiple objectives.

When counterstrike was the big thing, my favorite thing to do was practice against the CPU bots.  The AI was terrible but when I wasn't in the mood for humans it worked.  But I still wanted a game like Counterstrike that I could practice offline.

After I saw Brink's concept I thought it would actually be CS but with wicked offline bots.

Well, Brink arrived and it seemed like it was trying to be what I wanted but without much of a game.  Counter strike was a fine mod especially considering it was free.  But then recreating that experience and selling it back to me with parkour at 60 dollars felt like a rip.  I enjoyed the game but it shipped broken with poor online and worse AI issues.  Also the difficulty was time based which lead to the user dominating the computer up until the last minute of the match which the computer would turn into Neo and shift The Matrix to thier liking.  Playing Brink felt more like punishment because after holding a location like a champ for 8 minutes the AI would turn into Seal team 6 with my AI teammates running around like Gomer Pyle. So as the computer turns into a well oiled machine in the last minute my team lives only to let them in and redecorate. 

BUT... After over a month of this crap the good folks over at Splash Damage fixed their game.  I mean honest to God fixed it. The AI plays much better.  There are times where they are still cannon fodder but I can at least count on them more often to complete objectives.  Which makes playing online more of a pleasure too.  Before online play was mandatory with all the online issues. Now you can whip up fun co-op matches against AI and have it feel more natural.

This is not a review just a simple blog entry about them fixing Brink. The stats engine on www.BrinkTheGame.com add a much needed dimension of gameplay and adds more to the meta game.  Soon clan pages will be made available to users too.  Now I know a lot of this stuff should have been there at launch especially since they released the game early but the free DLC coming will keep me calm.

So even though this game came out broken enough people are playing it so that hopefully an amazing sequel will come out.  I tip my hat to splash damage and hope they can take Brink to levels multiplayer shooters havent seen yet.

Best. Games. Ever.

I'm gonna be trying to update this thing several times a week. In order to celebrate my inaugural entry, I'm going to take you through the best games I've ever come into contact with.

So here they are in no real order of importance.

Silent Hill

Notable entries: Silent Hill & Silent Hill 2

Silent Hill should be the game that goes down in history as the game that solidifies a genre and it's sequel enhances the concept.  Everything that followed since Silent Hill 3 became a bit tired but the first 3 or definitely the first two are the Doom and quake of survival horror.

Metal Gear Solid

Notable entries: All of them & Peace Walker

This game goes from being a simple mission to the most crazy absurd yet eerily real plot. I may have been the only person who loved the cutscenes and watched them on every playthrough because I revel in the crazy story.  I dont like stealth games but metal gear is so much fun.

Assassin's Creed

Notable entries: Assassin's creed 2 & Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood

This entire franchise is in fact the new GTA but Ubisoft is putting out 2 and it's spin offs back to back year over year effectively mimicking the GTA 3 - San Andreas development cyle in 3 years rather than 8 or so. Here's hoping the 3rd chapter in Ezio's trilogy is AC's San Andreas

Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic

The first is better than the second, the 2nd has more force options. I like them both and I'm not even remotely a Star Wars fan. Bioware simply made a fun in depth engaging RPG with hours of dialog and great locations.

Oblivion/Fallout 3/New Vegas

Maybe i'm just a fan of the format or the game's engine but in all three games the point for me is an open ended playground to let my imagination fly.  Every runthrough is slightly unique and epic fun. Which ever you prefer, guns or magic Fallout or Oblivion got it covered

Resident Evil

Notable entries: Resident Evil 2, 4, 5 & Code Veronica

When it comes to RE1 it's easily forgotten between playing RE4 or Code Veronica.

It should be noted that I do not find any of the resident evil games except for 2 scary. Even though they never really fixed the tank controls they all played real well for their time.

Parasite Eve

Part survival horror... Part RPG. All classic. I have been told the sequel sucks. I can tell you personally that 3rd birthday is an action game that mangles the plot of PE 1 + 2 so avoid Parasite Eve's sequels and spin offs.

Tenchu: Wrath of Heaven

It is metal gear solid... But with ninjas

Diablo 1 & 2

Even if you wont catch me playing Diablo 3 (Because Borderlands killed the loot concept for me) Diablo is still a great way to avoid your life.

Contra (NES)

Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A

Monster Hunter Unite

Big Monsters, epic battles, crazy loot, crazy crafting system.

Chrono Trigger

The disputed king of 16 bit RPGs.  Fun characters, great plot, multiple endings.  Tag team moves.

Earthbound

This became a cult classic. It's an RPG that takes place in modern times with crazy weapons, funny memorable moments and a character named Poo.

Ninja Gaiden (nes)

To appreciate the next gen you need to play the original which is white knuckle rage inducing  difficult.

Crisis Core: Final Fantasy 7

An interesting spin off, great use of the medium and an easy way to rekindle your love of FF7.  The combat system is incredible.

Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories - Vice City Stories

Do you like Grand Theft Auto 3 or Vice City? Well how about in the palm of your hand?

Both the feel and look of each city.  It is truly amazing how much they can cram into a PSP game. Even full on radio stations appear in each game.

Final Fantasy

Notable entries: 1,4,6,7,8,9,10

The meat and potatoes of RPGs. Some are better than others.  Each one is slightly different. Undoubtably Final Fantasy 4 and 6 are also contenders king of 16-bit RPGs.

Fight Night Round 3 or Champion

This is the game that I use to settle disputes. Or it was until I ruled at it and none of my friends wanted to play against me. I lost interest in it and my skills and now I am hollow.  There will be no comeback.

American McGee's Alice

I think it's sad when a video game is the best retelling of  a dark tale than anything Hollywood ever offered you.  Even  it's sequel is better than anything Tim Burton could muster.

Halo

There. Fanboys may rest.

Doom/Quake

At this point, these games are history lessons.

Anything Valve

Half Life, Half Life 2, Team Fortress 2, Portal, Portal 2, Left 4 Dead, Left 4 Dead 2.

All solid first person shooters in very different sub genres.

LittleBigPlanet

It never ends.  How many time  did you finish the same old boring levels in Super Mario Bros? This is the platformer with infinite possibilities. It ends when people die.

BioShock

Great plot twist if you never see it coming.

Fatal Frame

I made fun of this game for months before release.  However, I bought it day one and it scared the living shit outta me. Still to this day, Silent Hill and Fatal Frame are the 1-2 punch of survival horror.

Saw 2 (Fans only)

This only makes the list because the puzzles and atmosphere are a great addition to the world of Saw. If the rest of the game weren't bad then this game would truly be a hidden gem of Survival Horror. 

God of War & Heavenly Sword

If you like one, you will like them all.


Need For Speed

Notable entries: Underground,Hot Pursuit 2, Hot Pursuit (2010)

The series that nails the arcade racer with emphasis on speed. It's been the staple

racer for 3 generations of consoles. Amazing.

Yakuza

It's like GTA but smaller and more densely packed.  A LOT of stuff to do.

Bayonetta

Best  action game ever.  You may not like the plot or environment but if you cant agree that the gameplay is seamless and the combat is adrenaline pumping than you sir... hate fun

Borderlands

It's a first person shooter that's an action RPG... amazing.

Katamari

Rollin shit up in a ball.  Never gets old.

TO BE CONTINUED

Fallout New Vegas ... Still Glitched out

This new update does nothing much to solve the bugs or game crashing glitches. I think it's the 1.06 update. It's also about 527 megs too.  You would think an update this substantial would fix the problem gamers would be having when playing the game. But no.. Obsidian continues to push out expansions like abortions adding more glitched out content.  So now you get to gamble with crashes for an extra few hours per expansion.

I get why it is set in vegas now. Playing it is like roulette or craps but with odds favoring the house heavily.  Every play session I've had since the 2nd update is riddled with glitchery. .

I suppose it's a testament to how good the game is. Gamers keep going back to get kicked in the dick harder and harder. And Obsidian just put on spiked shoes. I'm gonna go grab a cup.

Alice:Madness Returns to Rinse off the stank that Duke Nukem left behind.

OK, Ever since the first game I heard rumours American McGee was going to make a movie in the vain of the first Alice game.  Then I heard Tim Burton was going to make an Alice movie.  At first I was mad because I thought “What about American McGee’s version?” Then I thought… “What if this IS American McGee’s version with Tim Burton at the helm?” … But it wasn’t.  NOOOOOOOOOOOO! And Tim just… Look, Nevermind Tim Burton not satisfying my expectations.  ALICE IS BACK BABY!

I guess because I’m an early adopter of the game, the original Alice game came along with it. CRAZY BONUS!

I don’t know where to begin with this game. The plot is a little annoying and a little confusing.  Essentially Alice is getting lost in her head between levels in the real world.  There is no rabbit hole.  You start on your shrink’s couch, get up, go outside, follow a rabbit, interact with a woman, pass out, Wonderland and that’s how it goes.  Wake up, talk to somebody, maybe go somewhere, pass out, Wonderland. 

The enemies are very similar. Well… that’s not true. . There are two enemy types.  There are the Ruins (I think, if memory serves me correctly.) which appear in every stage and the enemies which only appear in the specific stage.  So you will see the Ruins all the time and it looks repetitive but they are symbolic of the madness eating away at you. . . or something.

This game is more repetitive than a bag of chips but the weird thing is… it’s just fun.  Oddly enough, traversing is the game’s main mechanic.  Every area seems to have a space reasoning puzzle that needs solving before you can continue. It usually revolves around flipping a switch or shooting a switch or using shrink. And you will do this through every single level.  Flip a switch, shoot a switch or use shrink to solve any puzzle the game throws at you.  So if you can’t find any switches to flip or shoot… shrink yourself and you’ll probably figure it out. 

The game was definitely designed for console this time around.  That basically means it controls more like a console 3rd person shooter than a PC first person shooter. (If you want to feel the difference just play Alice and Alice2) The various standard weaponry is at Alice’s disposal. A Knife, mini gun, grenade launcher, club and shield are all represented with a Wonderland counterpart.  The minigun is a pepper grinder and the club is a wooden horse.

The game switches it up every so often by including little mini games to distract you from the repetition of traversing through the world. Mini games are usually 2D sidescrolling variations but they are no less fun. In some cases these mini-games save Alice from being a generic game.  They add much needed flair.

I know it sounds like I’ve been bagging on the game but I’m just being objective.  There is a lot of repetition and the plot is silly. But the game is good because the environments for the most part are done very well.  Wonderland is just as beautiful as it is dark and gloomy.  In some cases I felt they could have gone darker but there is enough screwy imagery to go around.  Alice is also much more bad ass. Switching weapons on the fly makes her feel and control more like a seasoned veteran of annihilating Wonderland’s foes. The combat system also gives the fighting a God of War or Bayonetta vibe.  But let’s not get carried away.  Even still the combat is well done and works really really well. I’m going to say that Alice is the bare minimum of really good controls. Anything less and you’re just average.

Alice’s hair… You’ll notice in Wonderland that her hair has a life of it’s own.  It seems to have it’s own gravity and speed sometimes but that’s ok.  It adds to the ultimate bad-assedness that is Alice: Madness returns.

A fun ride from beginning to end.

GREEN: 7.5

Highs

   Fun

   Platforming fun

   Combat fun

   Mini games

Lows

   Repetitive in every way.

   A bit of a forced plot.

   Some areas feel a tad too long

Duke is Puke.. and I love it

First of all I'm the only person you need to listen to about this game. Critics waited 12 years to shit on this game and that is just lame.

Big guns, swearing, babes and throwing freshly squeezed poo is the only way to describe Duke Nukem Forever.

If you've never encountered or heard of Duke Nukem 3D then stay clear of this game. If you prefer games with a good plot and modern graphics then skip this game.

If you are looking for nothing more than closure to a 12 year wait... Don't even rent it just borrow it off  of somebody sad enough to own it... like me for example.

Are there boobies? Yeah. A little bit. One stage takes place within a small strip club in which you easily hunt down a vibrator, popcorn and a condom. (Note: The reviewer at 1up.com proclaims this level takes 20-30 minutes to complete. It takes only half of that so he was clearly masturbating, felt guilty and gave the game an F)

The bulk of the game takes place in and around Las Vegas as you journey from Duke's penthouse to Hoover Dam. Same guns, same enemies and similar Duke catch phrases.  It's basically a higher resolution version of Duke Nukem.  The gameplay conventions are instantly familiar to any Duke veteran.  You grab a gun, point and shoot and try not to die.  There are no health packs but your health/shield/Ego recharge when you stop taking damage. Unlike Duke3D you wont be able to pick up every single weapon you find but I found there was more than enough ammo in the debris.

So what makes this a bad game? The plot is barely even servicable and barely makes sense. It is literally as if everyone on earth remembers Duke's exploits but the aliens developed a hardcore case of amniesia after 12 years and decided to duplicate their plans to achieve failure at the hands of Duke Nukem. Their plan remains the same.  Kidnap Earth's babes and use them to birth aliens as they wreck the planet.  A lot of reviewers are put off by this premise because it involves the suggested rape and murder of dozens of women including Duke's girlfriends. Even this is nothing new to the universe of Duke because you spent the entirety of Episode 2 of Duke Nukem 3D doing the same thing.

Where the game completely falls apart however is between the loading screens and the repetition. No matter where you are the game revolves around pointing and shooting without a clear route through levels.  You pretty much go from place to place going through the motions feeling less and less bad ass as you progress and more and more like a dolt.  Other characters offer less and less to the experience and seem more and more stupid the further you progress. Duke revels in his own absurdity but fails to be anything more than a divine comedy in that only the Gods could find humor in such a tragedy of a game with so much promise.

The loading screens ruined it for me.  I got stuck on the Octobrain boss in the closing stages of the game and no word of a lie I spent easily 5 to 10 minutes or more at the loading screen after premature deaths than I did fighting the boss. 10 seconds of gameplay 30 seconds of loading... 21 seconds of playing... 30 seconds of loading... and it goes on like this any time you find spicy hot instant death.

The laughable plot, the increasinly stale gameplay and the loading screens will easily eclipse any fun you will have with this game.  There are fun bits though which reviewers seem to mention but never take into account with the give the game a 0 so I wont do that.  This game doesnt exactly get a passing grade from me but with a little more polish I'd have given the game a slightly higher score.

RED: 5.5

HIGHS: Guns, babes, explosions, poo

LOWS: Not very funny - gets boring -LOADING