Halo overload!

Alright you Halo fans of mine... For years you've put up with my jaded comments about your favourite franchise. And yes some of my comments were only said to troll you because honestly... A lot of you take Halo WAY too seriously. Silent Hill is by far and away my favourite franchise but when people start knocking on it... I don't flip my shit. I like Brink. The rest of the world doesn't. You like Halo and that's all that should matter.

Before I give you my impressions on the series you should know I played up to "The Library" in Halo CE and completed Halo 2 in it's entirety before I ever got cynical about the series. So here we go.

Halo Anniversary: The graphics bump was all this game needed for me to appreciate it. At the time the original came out my complaint was how ugly it looked. Then I played it and got frustrated at the lack of dual wield, Master Chief's floaty jumping, the waiting between key plot triggers and the general moving from point A to B only to wash rinse and repeat the same process. However now that my eyes dont have to look at 64 bit looking puke upscaled to 128.. And get to see the subtlety of the sky, the clarity of the Covenant and the look of anger on the faces of a charging enemy... I can appreciate what it did at the time even if I still don't think it lives up to the hype.

Halo 2: ok Now we're talking. This should have been the graphical fidelity of the first game. Matter of fact if they decide to give Halo 2 the HD treatment, I'd buy that. I wasn't angry about playing as the Arbiter. I prefer him actually. Master Chief just reminds me too often of DOOM and it makes me wish I was killing demons in Hell rather than aliens on a planet I just don't care about. Halo 2 is a large improvement but it's still just the epitome of generic shooter to me. I do however greatly approve of the vehicles. This is the area where Halo shines the brightest. Co-op with vehicles adds another dimension to it and kicks it up a notch.

Halo 3: Maybe I was going through fatigue of the franchise by this point but all I cared about was Cortana who was in the game less than Harley Quinn was in Arkham City. So needless to say this game, though slight improvements were made, disappointed me. I liked some of the environments but when that flippen orb turned on me it took me another day to muster up the energy to play the rest of the game after a shitty plot twist. The ending however was perfect. "Wake me up when I'm needed." Or whatever Master Chief says is the best way to close out the trilogy.

Halo 3 ODST: I cared so little for the plot in Halo 3 that I barely see how they relate other than how the ending explains it. Other than that this game is actually not bad. The lone rookie wandering the streets trying to piece everything together as he finds his squad. The story held it together fine. My only beef is the ODSTs can do what Master Chief does but without the suit, and a weaker shield. Plus they can't even hold two pistols but can wield a gravity hammer. But ODST is better than I thought.

And thats where I stopped. I started playing Halo Reach but I'm taking a break so I can appreciate it. I'm a little burned out on the series.  But I look forward to seeing what Reach has to offer.

My final thought is that Halo is better than I thought but not as good as you'd lead me to believe.

Kudos.  Tell your friends about me.
The Jaded Gamer. 
Psn/xbl/twitter/playfire/raptr: IamFN2K

Chump Kong Deluxe

This story might not make sense unless you know what a "kill screen" is First! Thank you for sticking around. No drama today. Just a little story that is kinda funny when viewed in retrospect.

So... as a kid I used to hang out at an arcade/billiards called Gold Tips. After a while the owner and managers got used to me being there and would often let me play anything I wanted for free if the place wasn't too crowded.  Sometimes they would give me quarters on the sly to play.

Around the time Nintendo had arcade machines of Nintendo games like Super Mario Bros. Next to that machine was Donkey Kong.  Donkey Kong usually had a small line in front of it so I barely got a chance to play. That day nobody cared. So I grabbed a stool and the free quarters and played all day. 

After a few hours I was running low on quarters and knew when I ran out that I should go home. So I had to make every quarter count. All I wanted was a high score. So I restarted and tried hard. After what felt like forever... My bladder got real full but I didn't want to give up my game.  I waved the manager over and told him to play while I go to the bathroom.

So I go to the bathroom as fast as I could, washed my hands and ran out drying on my shirt. As I returned, the manager was rubbing his head in confusion.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"I dunno. It's not working right. Look."

And then he pushed the control stick to the right. Little Mario took 3 steps and died. The manager told me to hold on. He unplugged it and restarted it. I watched the BIOS boot screen. It was the first glimpse I saw of one. He started a new game and everything seemed to work now. So I played it till the Game Over screen, went home and never thought about it since.

Fast forward about 15 years. I'm watching a documentary called King of Kong. As I watched it I became overwhelmed with nostalgia.  So as I'm explaining to a friend that Donkey Kong glitched out on me back in the day as the segment about kill screens appears. I go silent. Apparently it was a big deal and nobody knew.
So as the narrator explains that only a handful of people in the world have done it, I'm laughing.

Anyways, recently I tried Donkey Kong again recently and couldnt even best the default high score. I went from Jimmy in the Wizard to Forrest Gump. Insane.

Tell your friends about me! Co-op 4 life!
The Jaded Gamer

XBL/PsN: IamFN2K
Twitter: @IamFN2K

Free Agent - CONFIRMED!/You're all I got

First off. You probably just clicked a link to get here (or saw episode 1 of The Jaded Gamer if I posted it) THANK YOU! This is the only place in cyberspace where I can be found now.

If you couldn't tell or didn't know... I left The Underground Players.  Not just the podcast but the entire outfit. If this disappoints you then keep reading. If you don't care... Well thanks for stopping by. Come back soon when I get back to doing what I do. For now though... I gotta get rid of some dead weight.

Before Season 2 of The Jaded Gamer Show hits the internet soon I just need to say this out loud. I'm not part of or allied to The Underground Players.  I'm gonna beat around the bush here a little before the first episode expands on my words.

In the beginning I left the Podcast because I didn't like the "theatrics" or the "plot" of the show. I also didn't like being on a team that plotted and schemed behind eachother's back when things weren't going right. I can only imagine what they said about me since I left. So in an effort to prove I'm still a team player, I wrote articles and posted a video to keep traffic going to the site. Their response is what pretty much solidified my exit.  In addition to feeling like I was being forced out the door despite me stressing that I'll be putting up content, a listener informed me that the remaining cast were taking pointless underhanded cheap shots at me. The video has subsequently been pulled from the site. Hrmmm.

I'll expand more in the upcoming episode but for now that is all I'm going to say.

But there is no beef. No hard feelings. No love lost. I'm not gonna start beef cuz I'm not gonna give anybody chance to ride my nuts over my exit anymore.

In the end this is all for the best because I'm gonna be here on this blog and I'll be popping up elsewhere soon to give you exactly what you've been asking for.

I'm not trying to be famous. I'm trying to be your friend and co-op partner. Screw the beefs! I just care about the games!

Twitter/XBL/PSN: IamFN2K

Follow the echo! Retweet! Subscribe! Above all else... Tell your friends about me. You are all I got left! Don't change the channel just yet.

JG

Watch me do me

You know ... Like the Lonely Island sketch.

DISCLAIMER: This is real talk.

Somebody asked why I'm not posting the Jaded Gamer Show on Ballsrog.com especially since it's gotten a good response from those who saw it. Well this is my explanation. I dont want to go too far in depth but trust me I'm very disappointed in some people.

Alright. I don't want to start any drama but I fully intend to keep it real. No subliminals but I'm not going to be pointing fingers... Well, maybe a little but I won't wag it... Ok. Maybe some slight waggage.  But it stems from disappointment not anger.

Generally I expect my date to look pretty and buy me dinner before they FUCK ME!  Wait, back it up.

I used to do a podcast with my crew. It wasnt a smash hit but popular enough to get a few hundred downloads every episode. I was a fan favorite so I spun it off into The Jaded Gamer's Show.

The Jaded Gamer Show was always supposed to be a crew effort. Sure my face would get a lot of time, it's my show. But I wanted my crew involved. Let's start with the intro. You see 3 people other than me in that. It was supposed to be a group effort. Other than one of them appearing on an episode they are nowhere to be found. It was really difficult doing everything myself.  I'm no stranger to entertaining people but I tend to have rehearsed material. But for the show other than a concept, I just turn on the camera and go.

I'm surprised every episode turns out the way they do. Even the fan reaction blows my mind. I thought this would amp up my crew like "Boy, I think they like us."  But no. It was my girlfriend rubbing the knots out of my shoulders telling me "Good job."

Pause.

I'm not complaining. That's just how it was. It was very time consuming trying to have a life, do a podcast, play games, review them and edit a show all by myself.

Play.

So between episode 2 and 3 I brought it up to them. One said he isn't a gamer. (He was the first to buy the 600 dollar ps3 and bragged on the POS all the time. But he rarely played online with us.)  The other said "Anything you need." So I put him in charge of my Facebook group. Everybody in the group is somebody I know personally so I dunno the point of that. I coulda done it myself. Wait... I did..

I'd check to see who posted my videos. I was lucky if any of them watched them when they were hot let alone post them to their wall.

So I just stayed at it. Even though I just wanted to give up. It was too demanding for my schedule. Which was why episode 4 had a ton of reviews and scores attached because I accumulated too much footage and not enough time to edit it.

Even now I have footage for another 2 episodes which might still happen if I can figure out how to apply it.

Anyways. During this time I kicked one member out for being a perverted, disloyal pile of shit who couldn't keep his hands to himself. And I can say that because his actions literally made me sick to my stomach.... And I've eaten live bugs Fear Factor style. (You'll notice I changed the FN2K/Wingman tag at the end of the vids to WTFIJ/FN2K at that point.) And the other dude fell on hard times and just didn't have the time. Fair enough.

Fast forward a year and dude still ain't on the comeback. If I could snap my fingers to end the struggle I would but I just can't. So I put da crew on my back and pushed forward. I delivered little bits of content here and there and posted more entries in this blog. I resumed the podcast too.

Then I ended up on Ballsrog.com not as a writer like I had thought... But as a strong personality and contributor. I've been there a month and I'm finally hitting my stride. 

So why keep the last few pre-Ballsrog.com era videos off the site? (at least for now.) 

I worked way too hard by myself to get this far. So any face that appears even for a split second in any video I put up will be one that had my back. (Yeah Ron... I'm talking to you.) So... I need to change the current intro vid to reflect the current state I'm in and start fresh. Like a new season. Some characters are gone and some new ones will appear. Since I got a new audience I'm not going to carry over old weight. It's a new day and I look forward to being more active on Ballsrog.com

So yeah. No disrespect to anyone but this is my moment. Watch me do me. Nobody but few key people were there to hoist me on their shoulders. I know some were late to the party but it's better than those that never showed up until they knew I was on the come up... Sorry for the long winded entry. Somebody shit on my chest and I had to get it off.

The Jaded Gamer

Twitter: @IamFN2K

Jaded Gamer’s Show Episode 5

Ugh. So busy. I can’t believe I forgot to update my blog with this.

Games and relationships part II

The first part of this entry got me in hot water from the Mrs.  Though I'm willing to bet that most gamers understood the point which was she still acts like the typical gamer's girlfriend sometimes regardless of how well we get along.

She was convinced I made her look like a bitch or that gamers would think she was a bitch. Let me reassure you she is most definitely NOT a bitch.  Honey can I get some yet? No?

Ok while she calms down a bit longer let me explain to you how good I have it.

When Dead Island came out I tore through it like a 12 inch through a hyman (and twice as bloody). I sat on my ass for 5 days and played it. Not 24/7 mind you. I have a job, but needless to say she didn't complain once. Forget Dead Island, she has never ever complained about my gaming habits.   The closest thing I heard to a complaint was that once she felt sad that I chose to play a game instead of watching her change. (It's a nightly ritual. She is really attractive.)

I digress to remind male gamers of something. Since you are a gamer, chances are you were a bit of a nerd and maybe unlucky with the opposite sex in your younger years. If you do have a girlfriend try to remember what it was like before you did. What I'm trying to say is she has boobs. Real boobs. Live and in your face boobies. Remember you used to kill to see some boobosity? Now you just sit in front of the tv night after night while she unleashes the twins. That is so lame. Sure the ladies in games have gotten better rendered but it is no replacement for the real deal. It also doesn't hurt that my girlfriend is built like Bayonetta. And yes she has a sister thats pretty cute too but unless you are a man's man you need not apply.

Anyways. Back to my GF being awesome.  She isn't a gamer at all but she tried. She played Fallout 3 all by herself but dropped the twin sticks because she still finds first person control and combat difficult. So her and I played Fable II a few times and when my game is built in Little Big Planet 2, I know she will play. Also Mod Nation Racers got a bunch of play. For somebody that doesn't play games she  puts up the effort to try purely to make me happy. She even cameos on my show.  Beyond that, her hotness has become one of the gimmicks the show thrives off of.

I objectify her beauty and she lets me exploit it for the purpose of my show. It does help that she is in on the joke but she is well aware of the fact that I'm using her looks and charm to get my product out there. She understands it because (dont jizz, gamers) she was a booth babe for Quake 4.   Oooh. Behind the scenes info. Originally I wanted both my girlfriend and her sister to be the hotties  on the show because her sister is (how do I say this without creeping out my future in law)  a curvy voluptuous lady with a bit of a gothic or hard rock kind of flair. Whereas my girlfriend looks sweet and angelic. Kinda like Two-Face's ladies from Batman Forever. I thought the imagery would look really good on screen.  But anyone that knows me knows I have difficulty rationalizing a "good" reason to exploit a woman's looks/body.  So I figured the way I do it now was the least objectionable way to capitalize on a pretty girl.

But aside from being gorgeous, she supports my gaming now more than ever. Shes watched as I went from an absolute nobody to an obscure somebody to whatever I'm becoming now thanks to my love of games. She doesn't support it because it's been bringing me some attention, she does it because it makes me happy.

The best thing about her as it relates to gaming is her uncanny ability to get me to stop playing games. I'm not telling how though. I've given you enough spank bank imagery.

Street Prophet aka The Jaded Gamer

Twitter: @IamFN2K

Do or die for the Ps3

I don't care what anybody says... The Wii lost the console war. Nintendo got a leg cramp 100 yards from the finish and bailed. Besides I value actual real games from developers other than Nintendo and that isn't Nintendo's style.

But, since Microsoft wanted the 360 to leapfrog the Ps3, Sony should really figure out a concrete solution to make the 360 look obsolete enough that they can pick up enough numbers to help them reach a 10 year cycle.  Sony had success for a little bit against the 360 but the universe corrected itself and the 360 continues to have good sales. 

The problem is that the 360 still looks appealing to the average consumer. I'm stunned to find out they believe the 360 is a more powerful piece of hardware. I don't know if that's Sony or a developer fault. Kinect looks more futuristic than Playstation Move until you realize "Hey. Maybe I need some damn buttons to play this shooter after all!"

Free online should have been a slamdunk for Sony. A lot of analysts thought Microsoft would have to have a free online model, but nope Microsoft stood by it. I still think it's a rip that I'm paying for not only the internet but twitter and facebook also. But playing online on Xbl is honestly . . terrible most of the time. But with friends is a blast. And you don't even have to be playing the same game.

The Ps3 has all that disc storage but I'm installing most games. The 360 doesn't have that issue. In fact my Ps3's fan kicks in a lot faster and more often than it used to.

Look. I love my ps3. I just feel like it isn't getting the right attention. It's such an awesome system but somebody keeps dropping the ball with it. It's become a system that watches what Microsoft does with the 360 and then copies it.

I must say that dollar for dollar PsN plus is a much better value than Xbox live Gold. Sony just needs to figure out how to show that off more.  The amount of cash I saved and free games I got was great.

2012 is the last year ps3 can pull a power move else the 360 is going to crush it into tiny meat chunks and serve it raw to the Next gen

Street Prophet aka The Jaded Gamer.

Twitter: @IamFN2K